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Infidelity Doesn’t Just Happen. It Starts with These Subtle Warnings

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Infidelity Doesn’t Just Happen. It Starts with These Subtle Warnings

Infidelity Doesn’t Just Happen. It Starts with These Subtle Warnings

It was a bright, sunny Sunday morning and church service had just let
out. A visiting pastor was showing off his new motorcycle to a large
group from the congregation in the church’s parking lot. He rode around
in circles, demonstrating its wide range of motion, and revved the
engine to show off its power. A young lady in the crowd requested a
ride. Without hesitation the young pastor agreed.

She hopped on the passenger seat directly behind him, wrapped her
arms around his waist while grabbing firmly. She rested her head against
the upper of his back, while it was evident by the look on her face
that she was trying her best to maintain her physical composure. The
pastor took the young lady around the church’s block, and wasn’t gone
more than three minutes. He returned to the large group, and the young
lady hopped off.

A few months later it was revealed they had had an affair together.

The pastor opened up about the affair shortly after, disclosing much
of it to his closest friends and colleagues. One of the first questions
asked was when did he realize the interaction with the young lady was
inappropriate. The pastor said that the moment she touched him; that is,
the moment the young lady sat down on the motorcycle and wrapped her
arms tightly around his waist, he knew he would pursue an affair with

A moment of touch ended in devastation for this pastor’s marriage and this young lady’s reputation.

Touch is not in and of itself evil, for as we know, babies need touch
to grow and many men and women receive love and affirmation through
physical touch, however, if not stewarded well, touch can send
unintentional and undesired messages to the opposite sex.

Not all communication is verbal.

Similarly, as a married man or woman, though it takes time, you can
train your eyes to avoid unnecessary eye contact with the opposite sex
that may be on the prowl.

READ: Mountain Of Fire 2017 Prophecies By Pastor Dr. D.K Olukoya

Many would argue that they can individually control the messages they are sending to the opposite sex.

Unfortunately, they are wrong.

Though we can take every effort to be intentional with how we create
our messages, we cannot control how someone is going to interpret those
messages. Just as touch bridged the gap for infidelity to poke its nasty
head in the case of the pastor and young lady, there are countless
other nonverbal factors that if not stewarded well, have the potential
to lead to marital infidelity.

Here are most important nonverbal communication channels and red flags you should be aware of.


We’ve all flirted with the opposite sex at some point or another.

Catching their eyes is sometimes a game. When one looks up at the
suspecting gazer, often times they then immediately look down, only to
look up again intentionally to let you know they notice you noticing
them. Whether sitting across the room or directly in front of them,
maintaining consistent eye contact can arouse our emotions, both
relational and sexual.

This can be devastating to marriage when eye contact is used to achieve these ends.

When manipulated, consistent eye contact with someone of the opposite
sex other than a spouse may encourage an invite to chat. Once the two
are together in a conversation, topics may begin innocently, which once
again, in and of itself is not immoral, but often times innocent topics
lead to discussing topics that typically are reserved for spouses, such
as feelings and desires.

This type of conversation is exponentially increased when
conversation is taken to social media and private chat conversations
that provide a false-sense of security.

As I’ve explored in a previous article, text communication provides a
false sense of security; a blanket almost, falsely protecting you from
damages to your real-world marriage.

So what can you do? Monitor your eye gaze. This is something I have had to work on simply with my observation tendencies.

I’m a people watcher. Many of you may be as well. Be careful that
your people-watching tendencies aren’t misinterpreted. As a married
person, you have a responsibility to mind your eyes.
READ: Photos From The Wedding Of Popular Gospel Artist, Uche Agu

Job made a covenant with his eyes not to look at a woman
lustfully. Similarly, as a married man or woman, though it takes time,
you can train your eyes to avoid unnecessary eye contact with the
opposite sex that may be on the prowl. Eye contact is important when
carrying on everyday conversations, but monitor your gaze.

Simply put, avoid giving the opposite sex the kind of looks you only give to your spouse on date night.


Research has long supported the advantages of touch. Physically,
touch can help decrease blood pressure, heart rate and mental stress.
Emotionally, touch provides support and encouragement in times of grief,
as well as in times of joy. When touch is used improperly or in vain,
the individual receiving the touch may interpret it in a manner
unintended by the giver.

Leaving your hand on the arm of a colleague or co-worker of the
opposite sex for a long period of time during a conversation in your
office may communicate emotional or sexual messages that you would never
dream of communicating to them intentionally or even verbally.

This may cause you or the person you’re touching to have feelings or
desires that are meant exclusively for your spouse. If you’re not the
one connecting with the opposite sex through your touch, that certainly
does not mean they aren’t connecting with you.

Monitor your touch when talking with the opposite sex. Make mental
notes of how often touch accompanies your words. Then, avoid getting
into these situations again by all means possible.

Time Spent in Private Text Communication

Text communication provides a false sense of security; a blanket
almost, falsely protecting you from damages to your real-world marriage.
Time communicates; it can communicate desire, both through emotions and
sexual topics.

Consistent text communication with the opposite sex says, “I really
enjoy talking with you.” This then is either innocently interpreted or
dangerously misinterpreted. It may not take long to begin discussing
topics that should only be discussed with your spouse.

READ: Situations That Require Silence

You may be able to avoid connecting with someone through text when
talking about feelings and desires, but the individual on the other end
of that conversation, whether single or married, may not be able to
control whether they do or not.

Avoid private text conversations with the opposite sex at all costs.
Don’t even go there. Communication like this is a slippery slope. It is
very hard to monitor your subtle emotional messages when sending and
receiving private texts. It is equally hard to avoid temptation when in
the middle of these consistent conversations. When you spend time
talking with someone through text privately, it is easy to send mixed
signals, whether emotional or sexual.

Your Heart

Finally, check the status of your heart. Yes, that’s right. I’ve
heard the argument too often that, “My spouse and I do what’s best for
us.” No, with the nature of the human heart, you are evidently doing
what’s best for you. Selfishness is why marriages fail, and why divorces
often follow that failure.

Consider it a red flag if you are or want to be married, but don’t
find it necessary to monitor some or all of your interactions with the
opposite sex.

Have an honest conversation with yourself. Check your heart. Whether
you are knowingly not monitoring your nonverbal communication with the
opposite sex or whether you’re naïve, you are responsible for the words
and messages you are sending.

The nonverbal behaviors we receive and send also have the ability to snare the heart and soul of another.

We’ve been wired by our Creator for both verbal and nonverbal
communication with others, including the opposite sex. However, as we
live in a fallen world, that communication with others cannot be done
effectively or appropriately without strategy and intentionality.

To respect your spouse fully, means to respect them with your words,
with your actions, face to face and online, until death do you part.

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